Apes at Arms

After Travis the Chimp mauled his owner's best friend, chimpanzees across the country are stockpiling their weapons, ready to overthrow the human oppressors... well... not really... but one can imagine. 

 

Other than throwing feces and eating grapes, the intellegent chimpanzees, sharing 94% of our DNA, have been shown to be able to plan ahead, and potentially conspire against. 

According to a recent news report, Santino the Chimp, a much wiser 30 year old ape caged in a zoo in Sweden, avoids execution by humans, taking a somewhat less aggressive approach to attacking us. 

Wise in his years, this chimp realized that feces just would not do as projectiles. 

Effective in nastiness, brimming with disease causing bacteria, and horrible in smell, feces just do not hurt enough on contact. Sure, a child hit by the nauseating brown stuff could be scarred for life, but lets face it, no bruise possible, no blood. 

Aggressive and territorial, Santino discovered the rock. 

Yes, rocks, those hard, round things on the ground that are scattered everywhere you go. But for a chimp, it is still a big discovery. Think about our cavemen ancestors, what jump in imagination it would have been to actually pick up a rock, hurl it at the next caveman, and laugh while he writhed in pain. 

As the United States and the Soviet Union did during the Cold War with nuclear weapons, the annoyed Santino stockpiles rocks and pieces of pointy cement he can get to throw at unsuspecting visitors.

Sticks and stones might break your bones... and words are overrated.

The cause justifies the means;You would be annoyed too if skinny, knobbled kneed, alien looking, clothing wearing, hairless apes pointed and gawked at you sitting in a pit all day.

Since the ape is not life threatening, rather becoming a celebrity in the Furuvik Zoo, the zoo keepers have kept him as a good cash animal. 

In the end however, Santino wreaks his vengeance on the visitors, so I do not see why people would continue to go watch him. 

In any case, Santino has found a way to get back at society, and I applaud his efforts. 

-W